The Epidemic of Adultery, Will Haunt You to Forever.
I’m not exactly sure where to begin. I needed advice and finally turned to the internet which I found pathetic for some time. I have read volumes in search of why people cheat, but until now I can’t figure out why..
I have always been the kind to leave one relationship and jump into another, I don’t know why but that’s just how it usually was, but it will haunt me forever. The one I was with would do me wrong and then I would jump into another relationship. Maybe to feel wanted, needed, I never really gave myself time to think or grieve in between them. In the past I never did a guy wrong, I would rarely text other guys flirt on occasion but nothing terrible, I never physically cheated, until now.
I have been with him for over a year now. Thou we got together right after I broke up with a guy who had cheated on me. Our relationship isn’t exactly perfect but we try to do the best we can for each other. At first it was absolutely amazing, perfect, and passionate, I didn’t know him for that long, a few weeks, until I slept with him. We were in the moment and the tension was insane, but it was amazing, and didn’t regret it. I’ll also just go ahead and add that sex is something that I love. On paper John is the perfect man, handsome, has a great job, sweet, caring, doing what he can to make me happy and reciprocating the same is my duty in these life I thought.
We went through a lot together. I was with him for about 9 months I think when I cheated on him the first time; it was just a few kisses. I told him about it before anyone else could say anything to him, but I didn’t tell him the truth, I told him that the guy was drunk and didn’t mean to and apologized for it the next day, that was the story I made up and I stuck with it, I am very good at character and making them believe every word of it, he always believes everything I say. the second time I cheated it was with an older man about 28, at first I was just going to his apartment and we would watch movies and cuddle, then it turned into kisses, then it turned into sex, mind bowling sex. I kept that going for about a little over a month then I told the older man that I couldn’t burry my head in the said anymore, I can’t keep cheating on John for the rest of my life.
I was then that I took a one week break with John during which I hoped it would turn into a breakup because I kept telling myself, If I love John so much and I’m happy with him why do I feel the need to cheat and get attention from other men? So after the older man faded out somehow John got rumors of me sleeping with this older man, true rumors, but I told him a story of how when we broke up for that week that we just had lunch a time or two because I needed someone to talk to and that he was helping me at the gym. Well of course John believed everything I was saying, I’m not proud of it at all.
Then recently At the gym I met a guy named Josh, a stand up guy who’s into fitness as much as I am great personality, hilarious, great body, and he does off shore drilling, so he has money. It started off harmless but I knew it was going to end badly. I got his number he meets me at the gym we train, we flirt, we talk, and it’s great. I talked to Josh about my relationship and why I felt the need to get attention from other people and when I meet someone why I feel the need to rethink my relationship and rethink why I’m with john, never did I confide in him, that I’ve slept with another man while being with John. Josh would tell me that it’s not healthy and I need to end it because it will only get worse. I am unsure if he’s being truthful or if he’s saying that because he’s into me.
So I think things through and call John and not necessarily tell him I want to break up, but I told him we have problems and that I’m just not happy anymore, and he’s wanting to do everything he can to keep me, buy me anything, give me anything, do anything for me to stay, saying when he thinks of us he sees a house, a family, a future. I told him I was flirting with other men at the gym and giving out my number if a guy asked, he asked if I ever cheated of course I told him no.
When John knew I was thinking about leaving, he told me that if I left he can’t guarantee that there will be a chance of us getting back together. That scares me, what if I leave and it’s completely wrong and I can’t come back to John? That’s one of the things keeping me from leaving, the know-how that The Epidemic of Adultery, Will Haunt You to Forever.