Secrets to Protecting Your Marriage From Infidelity
After the land rover saga that has kept me awake for the better part of early morning, I have decided to give a good look at infidelity as vice in the society.
The real tragedy of infidelity is that many marriages end in divorce. In the blink of an eye, the trust and security that was the foundation for a healthy marriage is destroyed. Sadly, it takes years of dedicated work to rebuild lost trust and security ripped away by an affair. The reason is simple. After an ice storm, have you ever attempted to walk down a frozen sidewalk? Although it’s possible, there’s always anxiety that a horrible fall might be right around the corner. What many couples fail to realize is that an absence of trust and security in a marriage is like condemning a person to live on that ice-covered sidewalk.
For a marriage to work, two people should reason and act in unison, we need to make a daily decision to have an affair-proof relationship. This protection builds trust and security, which in turn, melts the ice. Security from marital fidelity is built when we do four important things.
It is extremely important to make a commitment to keep growing in your relationship with your mate. It is good to mention a few words I read on a blog recently “sexual temptation increases as the satisfaction in the relationship decreases. In other words, the lower the relational happiness, the greater the temptation to medicate through some kind of addictive behavior such as sex, alcohol, work, and others” So in order to find out what your relationship needs, ask your mate “What is that thing I could do that would cause our relationship to grow?” I encourage you to begin making a list of the specific things and pick one of them to do on a weekly basis.
- Make Choices, you know better.
A damaging force working against marital fidelity is rationalization. In today’s world the test for honesty seems to be, “It is okay as long as you do not get caught,” or “It is not that bad, everyone’s doing it.” A major battle is won when we stop asking what’s wrong with certain choices, and instead, ask what’s right with them.
Remember every choice we make every day, dictate the life we lead, reflecting our true self. In other words, how we handle the small things dictates how we react to the bigger ones. For example, if I spend too much time talking to a female co-worker, I need to be aware of how this can weaken my defenses or make me susceptible for an affair (emotional as well as physical).
- Safe Distance.
While there is need to create a buffer zone. There is also need to maintain a constant distance in any marriage, husband wife, father children, mother children, and extended family. In other words, you need to leave room for error. This way if someone made a mistake and crossed the line, hopefully, they wouldn’t be killed.
If you want to affair-proof your marriage, it’s important to draw a line and then stay a safe distance behind it. For each person, the safety line will be different. Some people will not be able to take business trips or work late with a co-worker of the opposite sex. Others may not be able to meet a certain person for lunch or to work out at the gym. Whatever the situation, determine where you need to draw the line. Since everyone makes mistakes, having room before you fall over the edge can be the difference between a compromising situation and losing your marriage.
- Accountability to inner self.
Accountability is simply being responsible to another person or persons for the commitments you’ve made. If you desire to affair-proof your marriage, I encourage you to ask your inner self, a good friend, or co-worker for accountability. The important ingredient is having someone to ask the difficult questions. “Have you been getting your emotional needs met from someone other than your mate?” Ideally, these questions force us to carefully consider our choices because we know that someone will be checking.
If your desire is to build a protective hedge around your marriage or if you and your mate are recovering from the damaging effects of an affair by making the above four things a part of your life, you can melt the ice-covered sidewalks of your relationship where trust and security are sure to follow.
Always remember your soul is never truly free to relax because he or she is continually fighting to keep his or her footing to protect your marriage, whereas he or she is pushing you further.