Team Mafisi, My Debut as an Enemy of State. My Member Shrank to Oblivion
My flocks and friends say they seen it all, but to date I still argue and believe that among us I have faced the worst. I am tired of the ‘team mafisi’ and ‘team fisilets’ asking me why I writes on a wide range of topics and issue and with almost each and every encounter coming so close to me, is it that am luck to be still alive or that am so slippery that I slip out of many escapades like desert snake, undulating to my next spot in the silence of the night. Among other I have befriended the worst you can ever imagine. Thou some of the stories can never be written down for the sake of my safety and many other as well, I can’t continue without mentioning that I for almost one year, I had a hooker as my best friend and she would complain how guys with huge muscles negotiated too much when one-minute men overpaid for her services. There are those days that I laughed the night out just to listen to her stories.
I have also heated on a nurse from my hospital bed a team mafisi spirit is in my blood to stay I suppose. The nurse couldn’t help but smile at the contradiction. I am not a fiction character in a movie scene, and I am not extra ordinary, just crazy in a good way. That is an already terrifying introduction for one man, the enemy of the state.
The fateful Monday morning looked cold and dull, thou I thought the weather was to blame and as I have always carried my duties with due diligence I woke up early to work for money, I have never worked for fun I guess, landlord make us do crazy things, I was then a “Makanga” a bus conductor in the Englishman language, the day a cop said no to my few hundred bucks and sent me to the judge to argue my case, he said in simple words, you seems to argue a lot am giving you a chance to learn how to argue. In Nairobi life is not a joke when shit happens, within no time I was dangling from their land cruiser and my poor self was stashed among other fifteen or so, hungry and very tired matatu operators.
It was a big deal for a first timer but I lived to tell this tale. Within an hour, we were paraded at Nairobi traffic court with all sorts of accusations. I didn’t have the predefined uniform, no psv license, and my rude utterances to the cops were making the case unique, who need’s those when you have two hundred to dish out anyway? I made a vow not to call anyone to clear my bail set at 10K. I preferred to go to jail. After listening to a lot of Tu-pac Shakur and rocking on my Gideon boots for almost a year, I felt the need to let the streets bring me up. I needed to harden up a note more. I had survived the throes of street life and with flowing coins to spend still managed to date a pastor’s daughter without raising an eye blow.
A little mishap with the cops was nothing to worry me, life in the streets can be worse, at around 4:00 pm, I was among the left in the cell after all “boys” called their families to get their bails cleared. I was willing to do time in prison than part with my hard-earned 10K. After a clouded envisioning of the events in jail, plus the free food inside, I decided to take the month in. Some sort of a sabbatical I thought, but wait a minute even today I believe that was a bad move. A few hours before dusk, I was sent to industrial area prison to do a month. Seemed short with the day and night as counted in jail I was in for 23 days.
If you think Subaru impreza sports is the best car in acceleration, try a prison bus, that thing is in its league, with the escorts clearing the traffic, am only a few minutes away to attending the big catwalk. I could not help but see how free people looked at us with malice and despair as the bus speed of its way past the city centre. A secret I am divulging to you. When preparing to do time, always have some money. After my sentence, I managed to cut a section of my pants and slip 1k all in 100 notes change might not be available there, as my safety ticket once I met Otis the bully and cheif the murderer. At the gate, we were checked, the woman officer had a keen interest on our balls we thought, carefully inspecting them. It was obvious that she was having a kick, watching shrank balls of incarcerated men as they made their way into isolation. After she had molested our pairs to her satisfaction, she escorted us to another lonely room. Now, this is the point you realise that you are an enemy of the state.
As I stood there shivering in my already oversize clothes, a cop appeared, dragging a car washing machine and gave us a pressurized bath, hitting harder than rubber bullets. After molesting our balls enough, and making sure, our little members shrank to oblivion, it was time to strip. Strip yes, it not a choice but order, bend over, and cough routine to confirm you didn’t stash a phone, drugs, or a razor blade up your bowels. Considering my height, the officer didn’t have to bend to confirm and I was done with. I survived and I was handed my uniform, it was time to face prison. For a moment, I wished the option to pay the fine and go home to my single room was still on the table.
Corruption is everywhere and money was very important. Our self-declared cell captain was cheif who was doing time after his nasty escapades, I still don’t know what happened but I didn’t ask because cheif looked very practical and the last thing I needed was a muscle in my bowels. He compiled the house rules. The rule number one and the most important, was that the guy with the smallest dick was supposed to wash the toilets at all times. Rule number two, only guys with money could use the mattresses, and finally, all people with phones had to register their m-pesa numbers with him. After thirty minutes of pushing and coughing, a comrade retrieved a phone wrapped in black polythene paper, unwrapping it, cheif grabbed it for inspection.
I stepped into a prison, my debut. On the same day, I entered the dick-measuring contest, I voluntarily pulled down my trousers, trying to reach for my money only to remember I left my underwear at the stripping room. Cheif ordered the new arrivals to stand there with their manhood protruding and gazing at him. He evaluated my balls with his obviously killer’s hands, and told me to stand aside. I didn’t know what he was exactly looking for but I came number three out of seven; I think the erections were very fair. Days passed slowly and I watched it all, but so you know, I only washed the toilets once.
I left the dungeon after 23 days but till today I will never again wish to be the enemy of the state. One day, maybe one day I will get over the quagmire, but as sure as hell, that day doesn’t seem to be forthcoming