Understanding Team Mafisi’s Silence.
Silence can mean many things. It can mean yes, no, agreement or disagreement. It can imply contentment or dissatisfaction, safety or fear. It can be accompanied by the smile of approval or the scorn of judgment. Well, our brains are constructed completely differently in regards to emotion and language processing. Women have larger emotional centers of the brain and millions more nerve connections between the two halves of the brain. Women are wired to talk, to nurture, to love and to connect with words and feelings. That’s how they are made. It’s a good thing! Women are prepared to use lots of words to teach, praise, encourage, and resolve problems.
However while some men are considered to be talkers, many men tend to be less talkative than women, especially when it comes on to particular emotional issues. A man’s silence may puzzle a woman to the point where it may ‘drive her crazy’. Due to this mystery, she may interpret the his silence based on the common reasons that would cause her be silent. One such example is a case where she is upset with him for some particular reason and gives him the silent treatment, perhaps to passively aggressively punish his wits out.
What a woman may need to understand, is that he thinks differently than her. Although there are a number issues and situations that would cause anyone, regardless of gender, to be verbally non-communicative, there are 2 dynamic reasons that can result in a man being silent.
This simply means that to work things out mentally and emotionally, women may prefer to “talk it out” whereas men may prefer to “think it out” and “work it out” alone. This is the instant that he may withdraw in silence. These things that he wants to work out and fix can range from planning the supplies he needs to fix the roof, to how he can satisfy his woman who isn’t happy. Silence doesn’t necessarily mean disinterest, indifference, passivity, insensitivity or being upset, sad, angry or depressed.
Women often don’t understand how very hard it is for men to express their feelings. It’s very important for a woman not to come to any firm conclusions about a man’s motivation for what he is saying until she discovers what he is feeling. Men can jump out of planes, wrestle with crocodiles and drive at amazing speeds without a hint of fear. But it’s a different matter for a number of men when it comes on to sharing feelings. From the perspective of a man, sharing certain feelings may give him an unwanted sense of vulnerability. He doesn’t like the idea of giving her the upper hand psychologically. With the knowledge of how men process information, and the challenge they have with sharing feelings, women can exercise more patience through understanding.
A man can make it easier for a woman to understand his silence by letting her know a little of what is happening on in his soul. His blank silence can frustrate her need to communicate with him. No doubt, his silence can be deafening. From her perspective, she feels close to him not only when she hears his logical thoughts, but his feelings as well. For me sharing is caring, if you are communicating positive emotions and happy, joyful, respectful thoughts, share his silence as well and think with him.