How Great Relationships Are Ruined By Unfair & Impractical Expectation Of Love.
In the beginning, it pounds on your heart like it’s the single feeling you were born on earth for. It keeps you awake, it motivates your decisions, and it makes you act even irrationally. It turns you into an almost deranged love-struck maniac. At times sleepless night chatting and fantasying all night long, with deep fetched hope and dreams. But could these be ruined by unfair and impractical expectations?
As the years pass, you become an enemy of time, no more goose bumps, the stomach stops flipping every time you see the other person. A certain comfort envelops the relationship, providing you with a security that wasn’t part of the initial pick season when everything seemed to make sense ‘love high’. I have seen too many people who are disappointed by what they consider to be the deterioration of their relationship, when it’s quite simply transformation that they are experiencing. I see them ruining their relationships over what they consider to be damage, and I see them jumping into new relationships head first, and repeating the same mistake. These same people bemoan about their lives later, and complain about how love is overrated.
Over a period of time I have thought to myself, but does my opinion matter to you; the heart-stopping nature of early love is beautiful, no doubt. It is one of the most beautiful feelings ever, but you must remember that it’s a high that will wear off. The love transforms into a secure companionship, a loyal friendship even. Being in a 5-year-old relationship myself, I know. Interestingly though, I don’t find this disappointing like many people do. I find it incredibly wonderful that two people can grow with each other, and despite the passage of time that makes their attractive quirks now seem like annoying habits, they develop a fondness for each other, and an unparalleled understanding of each other that is impossible without togetherness over a long span of time.
Too many people ruin great relationships with the unfair, impractical expectation that love mustn’t change over time. Of course, it will. You do. He does. Everything does. Why must your love be an exception? Your love will not feel the same over six years. This is the point where the real work of relationships start, when the emotional investment looks different than it did from day one. You tried to explain to him that he ‘is too comfortable’ with you? It leads me to believe that you’re worried that he may be taking you for granted. This is a natural negative of many long-term relationships; a dangerous pitfall, especially when both parties fall prey to this routine.
I strongly suggest that when you feel like you’re plunging into this pit, try talking to each other. I also think it fair to ask yourself if you are not getting too comfortable with her. Are you focusing on her redeeming qualities? Have you forgotten what attracted you to her in the first place? What have you done recently to show your love? Let go of the expectation that it mustn’t change over time; it will. However, it needn’t be bad. A certain sense of ‘comfort’ does develop, but it needn’t be viewed as a negative. If you are feeling neglected or finds that your relationship lacks in ‘excitement’ (which in my opinion is extremely overrated), there are many ways that you can rediscover yourselves. Participating in a new activity that interests the both of you is one way. Numerous ideas abound in the internet. Lose this feeling of disinterest that your question reeks of. Unless you give it an open chance, it’s not going to flourish.
My simple, admittedly a bit frivolous-sounding advice is: a lengthy relationship is like a long beard. If you can, save it before you decide to shave it. Once you shave it, it’s going to be a long time before you can have another one like it again. It is likely time to do the work to create new feelings. Relationships change, they should change constantly just as healthy self-actualized people change constantly. This change is called growth and the pursuit of this change is love. What has grown in your life with your boyfriend? What are your current personal goals and what are the common goals you and him have? What does he do to empower you towards reaching your goals? Remember that in the beginning the common goals were keeping each other and that lasts a while…. Have you made any new goals? What are HIS goals? How can you help him realize these?
Too often people focus on the feeling and get nowhere; they also act as if love is so mysterious that they have no control over it. As if they are helpless to stop themselves from emotionally divesting or caring. But love is the work, not the feeling. Does he still have the will to love you? Do you have the will to love him? If yes, then stop saying he’s too comfortable and address the issue of stagnancy in your common goals as well as personal ones. Then get to work on revamping these goals and meeting them. The feeling will come when the work does. Enjoy the love life.