8 Reason You Should Leave The “Relationship” & Never Look Back.
Are you in a relationship that feels like it’s over? Do you feel it’s time to move on?
For almost 8 years, I was stuck in uncertainty! The reason why I say “uncertainty” with the exclamation marks is because it was like a pseudo-relationship where I was led on to think there would be something more when there never was. I thought the girl was my soul mate, but she wasn’t and it took me a while before I realized that and finally moved on.
- Past memories flashbacks.
If at one time you find yourself filled with flashback of happier past moments, and you feel good about it. It is time you think hard, sometimes they act as litmus to compare the present and past to foretell the future. If so, it’s a sign your current relationship isn’t how you want it to be. The more we live in the past memories and/or a self-created future, the more we are living in a self-created reality. This is dangerous since it is not reflective of the actual state of the relationship.
- Is it more painful than joy.
At times we tend to be blinded by the past happy moments of the relationship. To the extent we forget about all the unhappiness it brings us. If you find yourself confined in frustrations, angry, sorrow more often than not, then think twice, perhaps this might not be the right person for you. Soul mates should always live in present bringing happiness at the moments thus creating memories.
- Acceptance at question.
Your partner should not expect you to change, but should always complement, unless it is for your well-being, quitting a vice or adopting a healthier diet. Some of my friends had ex-girlfriends who wanted them to change, such as to dress up more often to look prettier or to lose weight when said friend was of healthy weight. There was even one who actually suggested my friend to shave her arm and leg hair because he felt it was a given for girls! The truest form of love is one that is unconditional
- Seeking justifying.
If we feel the need to justify any action that means we are uncomfortable with the actions and we want to explain away the discomfort. The danger behind this is that the explanations are self-created and may or may not be true. If you are repeatedly justifying his/her actions, the relationship becomes built on your rationalizations, rather than the reality. Likelihood is that you are living in your world of false assurances rather than the truth.
Whenever we experience a situation we’re uncomfortable about, we experience cognitive dissonance. It refers to the discomfort from being faced with something that conflicts against our beliefs. When this happens, we try to come up with explanations, justifications so we can feel good about the situation.
- When it turn chaotic emotionally /physically /verbally.
Physical and verbal abuse are definite no-no’s. There is clearly something wrong if the other party abuses/hits/curses/swears at you no matter how he/she tries to make up for it later. Even if it may be the spur of the moment, the fact that he/she lets slip in that moment shows there is something deep inside him/her that needs addressing.
Emotional hurt is trickier. A lot of people negate emotional hurt because it’s not visible. Ignore it, and it’s not there. But emotional hurt is hurt all the same, if not worse. The wounds that are hardest to heal are the emotional ones, not the physical ones.
- No efforts or interests.
Every relationship requires effort by the duo. The same applies for familial bonds, friendships, mentorships and most definitely love. Both of you have to commit to the relationship together. If you are constantly the one putting in more effort, sooner than later it’ll drain you. You have to give more and more just to keep the relationship afloat. Unless this imbalance is addressed, it will only become bigger and bigger over time. Soon you sink your whole self into it, losing your self identity in the process.
- Fundamental values &beliefs are at crossroads.
For any friendship or relationship to work out, there has to be certain similarity in fundamental values. Similarity in these values are the big rocks which will hold the friendship in place. Even if other things are dissimilar, the big rocks will enable the friendship to weather through even the toughest storms ahead.
On the other hand, if your core values are fundamentally different, it doesn’t matter even if everything else is the same. The journey to keep the relationship together will only become an uphill battle. It’s just like trying to hold the soil of the ground together in a heavy rain. Without the roots of the tree to hold this soil together, everything will just slip away against your best efforts.
- Death of mutual feelings about each other.
Things change. People change. If the feelings are no longer there, it is time to move on. Some of you might linger on in a relationship even though the feelings are gone. Perhaps it has become part of your routine and you do not know what to do once you break away. Some of you continue on because the relationship still serves certain functional purposes, such as companionship. Yet, a relationship without the mutual feelings is like a body without a heart. There is no soul or life in it. If you no longer have feelings for the other party, staying on is doing the other person an injustice. More importantly, it is unjust for you. It is best for you to part ways so you can move to better places.
“True love doesn’t have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.” Just because you love the person doesn’t mean you have to be with the person. True love exists outside of the physical fabric of a relationship. This is just a form of expression of love, but in no way is the single definition of love.